My Mountain...

SO I've been thinking (my head hurts)

2010-04-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

I haven't been keeping up my end of the bargain. Me writing, you reading.

I graduate FROM COLLEGE in 5 DAYS and although I will have to take my last couple classes over the summer, essentially I am done. Fatto. Fin. Gedaan. Getan. γίνοντας. сделано. Acabado. Alright, you get the picture...

My "plan" is to chronicle my life after college. I may change the title of my blog or I may let this one go and create a new one. I hope to share my experience in studying for the NCLEX (gag) and job searching...dun dun dunnnnnn

I don't know where I will end up or what my first job will be, but that's half the fun, right? right?

Stay tuned!

Sigh

2010-03-02T00:16:00.000-08:00

Today was rough. I am exhausted.

I love my dogs

2010-02-23T15:14:00.000-08:00

Hiro & Ichiro

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

In making plans for this evening, I decided to stay home, cook myself dinner, and enjoy my own company. Thank goodness I don't become hostile or hormonal on this day! I did, however, see beautiful purple heirloom roses at Safeway and caught myself wishing there was someone out there who would buy me one.

As time goes by

2010-01-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

So much has happened since my last post. I feel disappointed in myself that I can't keep up on this. Sometimes it is hard for me to type out all of the mismatched and random thoughts that come and go in my mind. Oftentimes I start writing and don't like the way it sounds so I delete it all and other times I don't feel like I can find the right words to really express myself. These past two months I have been on a very bumpy emotional roller coaster that has forced me to step out of my boundaries and then close myself back up again. More on that to come later (maybe). All the while, I have started my second to last semester of nursing school! This is both exciting and scary as H-E-double-hockey-sticks. What am I supposed to do after this? Where will I work? Who will I meet? Where will I LIVE??? If I keep this up, I am going ho have a panic attack! (I'm exhausted already).

Here's a list of things on my mind, stuff I hope to share (someday), and reminders of how good my life really is right now (although I feel like crawling into a deep dark hole-I think it is my hormones talking):
Bikram Yoga
Hau'ula, O'ahu, Hawaii
My first OB/Peds exam, monday
Chocolate
this blog
my future
living in the country
meeting my best friend
Fr. Tom leaving Portland
talking to my mom on the phone
Sending out letters in the mail
The house I am living in now and the individuals who also live in the house
music, music, music
learning to play the guitar
painting
memories
living a good, simple, healthy, happy, loving, life (with chocolate and my best friend)
I could sit here on my broken couch for the rest of the day making this list that basically describes how scattered my brain is, but alas, that exam on monday won't go away and every millisecond I sit here on my bum I become more and more guilty and panicked. Please pick me up off the couch and fix my brain! Please give me a piece of chocolate and the motivation I am lacking to get up off this sorry, smelly couch and do what I came here to do (as my parents say, school is why I am here).
pleaaseee!

All is yours

2009-12-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

Take LORD, and receive
All my liberty, my memory,
My understanding, and my entire will,
You have given all to me.
To you, LORD, I return it.
All is yours.
Dispose of it wholly according to your will
Give me your love and your grace,
For this is enough for me.
Take LORD receive.

"Whatever course you decide upon,

2009-11-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lately I am holding strong to this quote; My knuckles are starting to turn white and my blue veins are starting to protrude. I want so desperately to start the next chapter of my life. I know I will get there because I have to. It will come because life moves on.

I don't know what it has in store; I don't know who I will meet or where I will be living. I do know I want to get there now.

Still here

2009-11-18T20:35:00.001-08:00

Just day dreaming...

Cowboys...

2009-11-11T23:27:00.000-08:00

MMmmm...
Sorry about that, Leslie, snap out of it!

Oh boy, I have recently stumbled upon this absolutely wonderful blog. On it, a captivating story that I read for two days straight and when I wasn't in front of my computer, I was replaying it in my mind...

I thought I would share it here: http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/category/black_heelstractor_wheels/the_night_i_met_marlboro_man

While I was entangled in this rugged love story, I would find that I needed to remind myself to breathe, to breathe.

I do not know, but of one other story that has done this to me.

And with that I leave you to read on...

Bah.Hum.Bug

2009-11-04T19:53:00.000-08:00

When you have to close yourself off to the world because of a deadline (for me, it is school), why is it those times people want more from you??? Frus.tra.tion!

Ever wonder...

2009-11-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

What would happen if we treated our bible like we treat our cell phones? What if we carried it around in our purse or pocket? What if we flipped through it several times a day? What if we turned back to get it if we forgot it? What if we used it to receive messages from the text? What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? What if we gave it to kids as gifts? What if we used it when we traveled? What if we used it in case of an emergency? This is something to make you go...hmmm. Where is my bible? And unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill...

"What is essential is not what we say but what God tells others through us." Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

This is my moment on the mountain...

Vocabulary for the week . . .

2009-10-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

Frus.tra.tion: n. the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals.

This may appear as bad news from the last post. Coming back from break I had just prayed that I could keep the motivation juices flowing from the first six weeks of school. I would have thought that being laden with mononucleosis would hinder my academic drive and ability, but I could honestly say, I did my best work when I was limited with time and energy.

With less and less patience comes increasing frustration. Now that I am back to the "old grind" I feel as though my patience has diminished and that I have no energy from the petty nuisances in life. I can see myself get frustrated by things that wouldn't bother me before and I don't know what to attribute this change to. In an avalanche affect, I can see that it will soon affect my academic stride to the finish line, of which is just beyond my reach.

The sad fact is, I know what I need to change and yet, finding the balls is the hardest thing in the world. Laziness is human nature, but we are blesses with the brains to realize our faults and the will to change our course.

Whew, that was a mouthful! But what I know of myself, I will be okay and God will always be there by my side. I need to trust in him and give up to him those premature roadblocks because I know he will carry those for me. I need to, as well, meet him half way and (cue the the Black Eyed Peas, just kidding!) do as he asks of me: love Him, love myself, and love others. Everything else is just butter on toast ;)

Ready for a second round?!

2009-10-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

Last week was Fall Break for students who started school in August, including me! It was a relaxing time at home with most of the family. Quickly wrapping up events of the past week, last Sunday I headed south to meet up with my Little Sis' at WOU! I hadn't seen her new dorm room when she moved in, and it was a nice time to catch up! I eventually made it home later that night and was met by my mom and older sister. Monday, my mom and I made a trip to Eugene, Or, to get in some much needed bonding and shopping time!! Later that night I visited my grandparents out in Dixonville, Or, for some Costco Alfredo (Yum!) For the rest of the week I basically vegged out on the couch and hung out with my older sister when she was not at work! Sadly, I only got to see my dad for an afternoon because he was gone on a trip. I left Roseburg, Or, on Friday to head back North and it was a hellish drive back with the stormy weather!
I spent the last few days of my vacation with my aunt and cousins hunting for Halloween costumes, playing Ticket to Ride and a new game called Ninja (you should check it out, I don't think I laughed that hard in a long time!)
School started again today and all I can hope for is that I find the drive I had in the beginning and finish this semester still Alive!!

I think the only thing that will get me through my classes and the weather is a caramel apple spice from Starbucks! Welcome Fall!

If I were a poem

2009-10-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

Summer

Voluptuous in plenty, summer is
Neglectful of the earnest ones who’ve sought her.
She best resides with what she images:
Lakes windless with profound sun-shafted water;
Dense orchards in which high-grassed heat grows thick;
The one-lane country road where, on his knees,
A boy initials soft tar with a stick;
Slow creeks which bear flecked light through depths of trees.

And he alone is summer’s who relents
In his poor enterprisings; who can sense,
In alleys petal-blown, the wealth of chance;
Or can, supine in a deep meadow, pass
Warm hours beneath a moving sky’s expanse,
Chewing the sweetness from long stalks of grass.

Timothy Steele